I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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