Me too!
Don't make out with my wife yet
even my farts smell like vagina
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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