i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Randomize
