He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
