Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
