Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
