i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
