Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
