it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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