Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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