just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
