im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
