dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
