Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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