I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
