What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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