Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
