she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
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