I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
