Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
