he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
