we're chasing vodka with high fives
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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