So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
