i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
