DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
