if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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