Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
