Jerry, you need to find god
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
