Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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