Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
