I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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