this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
