you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
