I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
