YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
