is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
