I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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