the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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