Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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