FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
