youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
