I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
