I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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