dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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