he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
