every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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