Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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