Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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