I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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