tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
