yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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