You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
