I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
