you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
